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Ruddy Ortiz, Christian Life Coach

Make Your New Years Resolutions And Keep Them AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!

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Hi There, Happy New Year!

I’ve been thinking about what to write for my loyal and faithful fans who have been jones’ing the last few months anxiously anticipating the next episode of the Ruddy-licious  and life enriching blog of mine.

So since we are at the beginning of a new year, I know for a fact that many of you are in the process of “siking yourselves up” and preparing to go head on with some of the new year’s resolutions that you said you would accomplish this year.  Well, let me share with you a great article that a good friend and personal mentor of mine just wrote…I think it will put it all into perspective for you… you’re welcome- and yes, I take cash donations.

Make Your New Years Resolutions And Keep Them AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!
by Preston

“New Years resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.”
~Oscar Wilde

“New Year’s Day:  Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions.  Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”
~Mark Twain

There are times to use nova cane, and there are times to tie your tooth to the door and slam it shut as hard as possible.
Guess which time this is.

Have you written new years resolutions?

I have one thing to say to you:
AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Oh my gosh you are so funny, friend.  I swear you are my funniest friend that I have.  Now I remember why I keep you around and don’t delete you.

You make me laugh. 

You really do.

New Years Resolutions work about as good as diets. 
They work almost as good as mutual funds and 401ks (PLEASE tell me you don’t have either of those two things because I’m out of breath and I have a cramp and I don’t have it in me for more laughs).

They work about as good as ANYthing Suze Orman has to say out of her weird looking mouth.  (fix your teeth Suze.  You’re rich I thought)

They work as good as the Rich Dad Poor Dad coaching program.  (did I say that out loud?)
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“Many people will be coming up with new year’s resolution for 2008 even though they can’t even remember what their new years resolution was for this current year! While many come up with a new year’s resolution, they do so in a flippant, light hearted manner. We may commit to lose weight or save money, but before January is even finished we will be pigging out on chocolate and buying designer clothes or fast cars.”
-    Michael Dylan, successful internet and business entrepreneur who you don’t know
____________________________________________________________________________________

I have not and am not writing or creating one single “new year resolution.”  And that is for good reason.
And the reason is…(drum roll please)…
New year resolutions are for regular people…and I simply do not consider myself a regular person.
Are you a regular person?  Or do you fancy yourself as a little better than most?
Let’s find out.

Take this Normality Test:
1.    Do you go on diets?
2.    Do you fade in and out of seasons of exercising and seasons of not exercising?
3.    Do you plan on retiring one day?
4.    Do you read the newspaper and watch the news every day?
5.    Do you like Suze Orman?
6.    Are you overweight?  All the time?
7.    Do you make minimum payments on credit cards?
8.    Do you drive in rush hour traffic?*
9.    Do you think Suze Orman is NOT a space alien?
10.   Do you work for someone else?
11.   Do you think the “money” magazines are giving you legitimate advice about what really works?  Or rather, are you aware that they are owned by investment companies created for no other reason than to get your money, give you practically nothing back, and use it to create real wealth for themselves?
12.    Do you think Suze Orman’s teeth are fully acceptable or should she be held to a higher standard seeing as how she is on national tv every single day and is rich and common sense would be to not freak out the general public and give me personally nightmares with your crazy teeth chasing me through dark valleys trying to eat me?
13.    Does your “new year resolutions” history look ANYthing remotely like this:

RESOLUTION #1:
2002: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
2003: I will read at least 10 books a year.
2004: I will read 5 books a year.
2005: I will finish The Pelican Brief
2006: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year.
2007: I will read at least one article this year.
2008: I will try and finish the comics section this year.

RESOLUTION #2:
2002: I will get my weight down below 180.
2003: I will watch my calories until I get below 190.
2004: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200.
2005: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
2006: I will work out 5 days a week.
2007: I will work out 3 days a week.
2008: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.

RESOLUTION #3:
2002: I will not spend my money frivolously.
2003: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
2004: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
2005: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 2006.
2006: I will be totally out of debt by 2009.
2007: I will try to pay off the debt interest by 2015.
2008: I will try to be out of the country by 2009.

RESOLUTION #4:
2005: I will try to be a better husband to Marge.
2006: I will not leave Marge.
2007: I will try for a reconciliation with Marge.
2008: I will try to be a better husband to Wanda.

RESOLUTION #5:
2005: I will stop looking at other women.
2006: I will not get involved with Wanda.
2007: I will not let Wanda pressure me into another marriage.
2008: I will stop looking at other women.

RESOLUTION #6:
2005: I will not let my boss push me around.
2006: I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide.
2007: I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.
2008: I will tell Dr. Hodger and the group about my boss.

RESOLUTION #7:
2005: I will not get upset when Charlie makes jokes about my baldness.
2006: I will not get annoyed when Charlie kids me about my toupee.
2007: I will not get angry when Charle tells the guys I wear a girdle.
2008: I will not speak to Charlie.

RESOLUTION #8:
2005: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.
2006: I will not touch the bottle before noon.
2007: I will not become a “problem drinker”.
2008: I will not miss any AA meetings.

RESOLUTION #9:
2005: I will see my dentist this year.
2006: I will have my cavities filled this year.
2007: I will have my root canal work done this year.
2008: I will get rid of my denture breath this year.

RESOLUTION #10:
2005: I will go to church every Sunday.
2006: I will go to church as often as possible.
2007: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.
2008: I will wear my SPF 30 sunscreen every day in hell.  Im sure it won’t be all that bad.

If you answered “yes” to any of those then you’re a regular ol person.  Quit kidding yourself.  I’m renaming you.  You are now Lenny The Lemming My Funniest Friend Of The Universe.  But we’ll call you Lemming for short.
So it’s settled; You’re normal.  But big deal.  We can change that.
I fear nothing more in life than normality.  It’s like kryptonite to me. 
________________________________________________________________________________
“When will you understand that being normal isn’t necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage.”
Practical Magic, 1998 Film
________________________________________________________________________________
Listen, friend.  Here is a free tip to go along with all the other free stuff I am continually giving you:
(This is a really good free tip so make sure and let this soak in your dome for a hot minute)
**************************************************************************************
Really Good & Free Tip:
When you see the masses of the world all doing something…don’t do it.
**************************************************************************************
You can quote me on that if you want.  It sounds like a really great quote to me.
I just figured out why I don’t like being normal.  Wanna hear it?
I don’t like being normal, because I like being FREE. 
We know that approximately 3% of this world makes the other 97% go around.  In my opinion, the 3% are free to CHOOSE.  The 97% are simply here for the ride.  Going wherever the 3% decide to take them.
_________________________________________________________________
“Choice is an illusion, created between those with power, and those without.”
- Merovingian, The Matrix Reloaded
_________________________________________________________________

Wake up.  Stop swallowing everything the world gives you.  YOU start dishing it out.  YOU take control.  The time is NOW and the person is YOU.  Wake…the #*$!…UP.
The reason resolutions don’t work is the same reason diets don’t work.  You have not decided to make healthiness and wholeness a LIFESTYLE. 
Resolutions are something that you do and therefore they are doomed to failure since we can never do anything that is against our nature for very long. 
I don’t make resolutions to eat right and exercise for the simple reason that I have been eating right and exercising 365 days a year every year for the past 10+ years.  I will be doing it when I’m ninety.
I decided a long time ago that healthiness was a part of WHO I AM - not something that I do. 
I don’t eat healthy - I AM healthy.
Therefore I simply give my body what it naturally wants.  Eating bad food for more than a day or so repulses me.  It’s just not me. 
This is the longest article of the universe.  I must be a REALLY good writer if you are still reading this right now.
Let’s wrap it up.
Winners write lifetime, 10 year, 5 year, and 1 year GOALS, and modify/analyze them continually throughout the year - not just on Jan 1.  And I happen to believe that it is possible to be successful without even doing THAT much.  I know plenty of millionaires who do not write out goals. 
Make success a lifestyle - not something to achieve.  Make it a part of who you are, not somewhere you are going. 
__________________________________________________________________________________
“Success is not something you achieve.  Success is something that you attract…by becoming an attractive person.”
- Jim Rohn, America’s Foremost Business Philosopher
__________________________________________________________________________________

It’s starts in your heart and works its way out. 
You can do it.  I believe in you.  This year is going to be your best EVER.  I’m here to help make that happen. 
* I personally refuse to do it - I will simply not go to wherever it is I’m supposed to be if it requires me to drive in rush hour traffic.

© 2008  R. Preston Ely  (Don’t steal my stuff.)
all rights reserved
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Real Estate Investing Coach/Rockstar/Assassin R. Preston Ely publishes the critically acclaimed weekly ezine The Flip Factor.  If you’re ready to jump-start your life, quit your boring job, make a bajillion dollars, and have more fun and freedom, get your FREE 7 Day Mini-Course RIGHT NOW at www.learntowholesale.com!

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